How I Earn a Living.

And what it's like to pick yourself up and start again when you're self-employed.

I am always fascinated by how people without a ‘proper job’ earn their income.

I have been self - employed for seven years now and yet again, I am reassessing.

Some background for context:

I grew up in a family of self-employed folk, always with several streams of income. At times riding high, hitting the marks, doing the exciting and well paid projects and also at times parking creative or professional ego to do whatever work it takes to put food on the table.

It is not for the faint hearted.

For extra context: I do not have savings, I do not have a trust fund and my partner Jon is also self employed. There is no safety net.

Up to the of age thirty I had the following jobs…

Theatre usher, cleaner, dog walker, gallery assistant, wine shop girl, deli girl, greasy spoon waitress, magazine intern, radio show intern, wardrobe assistant, personal assistant, actor, stylist, babysitter, casting assistant, front of house manager, English teacher, Spanish teacher, drama teacher, interior decorating assistant, publishing admin, wig maintenance person… and probably others that I can’t remember.

When I turned thirty I joined a Manchester theatre and tv agency as an agent for actors. I loved it, I was good at it, I enjoyed the relationships I had with our clients and the casting directors at the other end of the phone. And it was a regular, reliable monthly income for the first time in my life.

Then, two years later I had Gryffin and it became very clear that the late evenings seeing shows and meeting actors would not be compatible with a small baby, so I stepped away and reassessed how to earn a living.

When he was one and a half, I figured it out.

I pulled together all of my skills and passions and started an online business selling vintage pieces, curated homewares and gift bundles alongside my print and card designs. I had a small amount of money from my grandmother to invest (about £1,000).

I poured everything I had into it, with a mammoth amount of support from my partner Jon.

I wanted it to be a mirror of our home, all the elements that I love to surround myself with and love to create.

As micro businesses go, it was a moderate success.

It was also a tremendous amount of work for one person (sourcing stock, managing stock, photography, marketing, answering queries, packing orders, accounting, creating new designs) but I loved it and it was a natural fit.

I also supplemented running the online shop with selling at fairs and markets, offering illustration commissions and running online and in person workshops (I still don’t quite know how I managed this with two small children).

I was featured in several publications and on the BBC homepage talking about starting a business.

For the first and second year, everything felt like it was growing.

The third year: the bottom fell out of my business.

Brexit, changing spending habits and competition from brands with larger investment all contributed. I was purely working to cover my costs and no longer paying myself.

A few things I know about myself are that I am good at time management, I am resourceful and when I set my mind to it, I can usually make things work.

But in this case, there was nothing I could do to change the reality. The business was no longer viable and with a heavy heart I decided to close my online shop.

Thankfully I had received arts council funding for a project related to my podcast, which helped carry me financially, alongside continuing commissions.

Last year, I applied for another ACE grant but didn’t get it.

I started applying for remote admin jobs but my CV is so… varied(?) that my applications were ignored.

Luckily, through a friend, at the eleventh hour, I found some part time work doing admin for a company of Rural Chartered Surveyors. I had to google the meaning of ‘surveyors’ before I started.

The contract was temporary but supported me financially for a few months. When and where I could, I carried on with commissions and creating content for patreon, instagram and the podcast.

But it was hard, I was still pouring most of my spare time into trying to get ‘a proper job’ and my own work, which I had put so much time, love and energy into establishing, fell by the wayside.

Jon’s business had also slowed down (similar to mine, changes in general spending habits, an economic crisis and Brexit hit him hard) but he had found some work for a local community scheme which I supported him with.

I continued searching for more ‘proper’ work, but again, I simply could not get an interview.

I cannot tell you just how demoralising it is to be rejected by the things you do not even want, over and over and over again, let alone the things you do want.

It had a profound effect on me and I lost a lot of confidence in many areas of my life. A big part of my identity is my work, and this had shook me.

And then one day, I got an interview.

For an amazing company that aligned with all my values. For a job I knew I would be good at and would love.

Out of 400 applicants I made it down to the final two.

And I did not get the job.

What did I do?

I cried, a lot. I was exhausted.

But once I had stopped crying, I could see what it was showing me:

I had spent 18 months looking for a ‘proper’ job to pay the bills instead of doing what I do best, and it had got me absolutely nowhere.

So, I did what I have always done: I honed in on the basics.

Who am I?

I am a forty one year old creative woman, with two kids, a partner, and a cat living in rural Yorkshire.

I love the rituals of the everyday, I am fascinated by kitchens and their place in our life, in the history of old objects, the messiness of human nature, how we celebrate our lives in small ways, how we construct our identities and how we find ways of telling the stories of our own lives.

What do I have?

I have a skill for drawing.

I have a skill for writing that seems to connect with people.

I have a skill for styling spaces and objects, for creating an environment that people enjoy stepping into.

I have a skill for inspiring and supporting creative play in others.

I have a skill for listening and helping draw out the stories of people I talk to.

What can I do with what is available to me?

I can restock my etsy shop with art prints, tote bags and notebooks featuring my designs.

I can update my website and all that I offer.

I can continue to build my substack and increase my paid subscribers by offering consistency and value of content.

I can finish the book I’ve been working on for THREE YEARS and look into self-publishing.

I can dust off my workshop ideas and set some dates.

I can dare to consistently sell my skills and products to my followers without thinking they’ll run away screaming in horror.

So this is where I am refocusing.

On what I do best.

How can this happen?

Well, if you’re reading this, you’re a big part of it.

If you enjoy the content I create online, you can help support me in the following ways:

• By subscribing to my substack for £3.50 a month or £30 for twelve months.

• By purchasing my prints, tote bags and notebooks online.

• By sharing and recommending my online profiles and my work.

I’m feeling excited about what I can create, what I can offer, what I can do to amuse or inspire or ignite.

Because this is the job I’m best at. This is the job I know how to do. This is the job where I can create value.

I’m reassembling myself and I’m going all in. Again.

Java x