From Java with Love - June 2026

On friendship in my forties, a summer playlist and how my current eating habits remind me of my great aunt.

A very happy Summer Solstice to you, my loves!

How’s it going? How are you keeping?

We’re half way through the year, and I’m reflecting on the last six months, but also the last few years. My life has changed, and one of the most significant shifts is in my friendships.

Three years ago I celebrated my 40th birthday with a party at the green and white 1930’s bowling green by the river, my favourite spot, where we had hosted our civil partnership party with friends a couple of years earlier. Family and friends turned up, some close, others mere acquaintances. I wore a backless yellow dress, and by the end of the night, full of cake and cava, I was fast asleep on a table.

I’ll be 43 in September and the thought of hosting a party now feels unfathomable. I’ve been thinking about why and have narrowed it down to three main factors:

1. I stopped drinking (it will be 18 months in August), and this has had a natural impact on how often I see people, because I never used to go for coffees with friends but I would often go for a bottle of wine. I naively didn’t think giving up alcohol would affect my friendships, but of course it has. One has completely ended, with a very firm line drawn under it, and others unexpectedly faded away. I have also discovered just how much I used alcohol to keep me going in social situations. Until recently, I thought I was a very sociable person, but it is now dawning on me that one of the reasons I took to alcohol so ‘enthusiastically’ as a teen, was because it helped give me a burst of energy, until I would inevitable fall asleep in a corner. I am now coming to terms with the fact that I am an introvert who loves conversations, needs a lot of time alone and however much I find people fascinating, I need time to recover from their company.

2. I got even busier with work. I took on a large studio space, embarked on a big writing project, started hosting in-person workshops (see above ie recovery time), decided to move in a different direction with my artwork and had a flurry of interest from interiors and art publications to film and photograph the house and studio. As well as running my own multi-pronged business, I do a couple of Saturdays a month at the vintage boutique and a few hours a week of remote admin work for a bespoke jewellery maker. It’s a lot to juggle and leaves very little time for socialising.

3. I stopped needing as much adult conversation as when the children were very small. I now look back and see that my need for socialising with other parents was also combined with a need to parent in company. It doesn’t mean those friendships weren’t valid, it is simply an explanation for how easily those friendships have since drifted away. My children are at a different stage, our relationship is changing, we have conversations and spend time together in a different way. I parent them, but I also feel like we socialise with each other, and this has been an unexpected development.

The friends I still have are as precious as ever, but something has shifted. I don’t feel I’m letting anyone down if I don’t message them every day, I can see them in passing a few times a week and still feel like we’re close friends and everything just feels a little less intense. We understand that our lives are full and whilst being there for each other, we have absolutely zero expectations of each other.

And I know it will shift again, friendships will change and come back and drift away, and it doesn’t feel personal. It’s a clarity of understanding that this is simply where I’m at and I now feel lucky to have friends who are in a similar place.

What I’m listening to: My Summer Studio playlist. Featuring Ashanti, Los Panchos. Ezra Collective and more.

What I’m reading: Big Baby by Kevin James Thornton. KJT is a comedian, artist and writer who you may know him from his childhood tales (‘it was the ninetieeeees’) on Instagram about growing up in an evangelical family whilst discovering his sexuality. It is funny, brilliant and moving. I ordered it from the library, which is one way of supporting writers when you don’t have a limitless budget to buy all the books. Writers receive small royalties each time their book is taken out, and it also means that if it’s in your local library, more readers will discover their work.

What I’m watching: the documentary Author: the JT Leroy story. Jon and I watched it one evening, half expecting to doze off as usual, but instead spent the two hours with our jaws hanging open and a growingly confused perception of reality. I knew most of the story, but had never looked into the details. I won’t say anything, but if you find it online (possibly amazon) it’s worth a watch.

What I’m eating: Watermelon, medjool dates, fizzy water, boiled eggs, dark chocolate, spoonfuls of peanut butter and raw carrots. I used to share recipes, now I’m impressed if I make myself a meal that contains more than two ingredients. My great aunt used to live on a diet of marzipan alone, there is a certain freedom to eating solitary ingredients.

Coming up: If you’re in the North West, come and visit my studio as part of Hebden Bridge Open Studios, on 3/4/5 July! You can download the brochure and map here.

And if you’re further afield, I will be sharing my new collection of prints, paper fans, t-shirts and totes here before the end of the month, so keep an eye on your inbox!

Sending my summer solstice love to you all, I hope your friendships are exactly as you need them, and that your conversations with the sky are always useful.

Love Java x